Tag: jokes
member name: Craig Olson
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November 30, 2006 01:34 PM EST --
Why, Why, Why
do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not . . .
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June 11, 2007 02:37 PM EDT --
These laws came from an anonymous e-mail.
Laws of Life
Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease,
your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee. . . .
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June 12, 2007 10:51 AM EDT --
The most creative rationale for throwing an apple core
out of the car window is-
"It will plant seeds for other trees to grow."
And, of course, our highways are lined with apple trees-- . . .
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June 13, 2007 09:11 AM EDT --
This is another anonymous e-mail that was forwarded to me.
Subject: SENIORS UNDER ATTACK
:
Subject: SENIORS UNDER ATTACK
:
THIS IS HAPPENING RIGHT HERE IN OUR OWN COUNTRY! . . .
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August 14, 2007 01:01 PM EDT --
Bragging
My son is Inmate of the Month at the state prison.
I used to go to church religiously.
My daughter is Patient of the Month at the state mental . . .
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December 07, 2007 02:27 PM EST --
The Philosophy of Ambiguity
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor....
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows . . .
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February 25, 2008 12:46 PM EST --
Brain Dysfunction
The only time she's not complaining is when she's asleep. ************************************************************************** Sharon: What are the only . . .
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June 22, 2006 09:12 AM EDT --
I dialed a number and got the following
recording: "I am not available right now, but thank
you for caring enough to call. I am making some
changes in my life. Please leave . . .
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September 26, 2006 11:11 AM EDT --
Borrow money from pessimists.
They don't expect it back.
A conscience is what hurts
when all your other parts feel so good.
If you want the rainbow,
you gotta put up with the rain.
I intend . . .
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November 28, 2006 10:57 AM EST --
Short and Funny
I dialed a number and got
the following recording:
"I am not available right now, but
Thank you for caring enough to call.
I am making . . .
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December 31, 2006 02:51 PM EST --
Politically Correct
Differently-brained -- stupid
Folically independent -- bald
Musically delayed -- tone deaf
Genetically discriminating -- racist
Codependent . . .
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January 05, 2007 02:34 PM EST --
Blonde's Year in Review.
January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....Helllloooo!!!.....bottles won't fit . . .
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April 28, 2007 02:39 PM EDT --
"When you come to a fork in the road, take it!" Yogi Berra
**********************************************************
"Nobody comes here any more because it's too crowded." . . .
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September 22, 2007 01:25 PM EDT --
LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE
1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of . . .
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December 28, 2007 10:40 AM EST --
Need to diet?
Then let's get started!
Here's the first rule of thumb:
If it tastes good....spit it out.
And remember...
If you must have a cheeseburger and fries . . .
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May 16, 2008 01:16 PM EDT --
The author, who was probably a Qantas employee, had a good reason to be anonymous. He probably would have been fired if he got caught writing this.
Remember it takes a college degree to fly . . .
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May 17, 2006 10:53 AM EDT --
Southern Fried
(You know you are in FLORIDA during the summertime when...)
The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
Hot water . . .
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July 10, 2006 09:04 AM EDT --
EVERYTHING HAS A GENDER
You may not know this but many nonliving things have a gender.
ZiplocBags are Male, because they hold everything
in, but you can see right through them.
Copiersare . . .
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July 10, 2006 02:42 PM EDT --
They're going to make a new perfume for women who want to keep men away. It will be called "Eau de Skunk".
This friend of mine used to read a lot of books. His name was Page . . .
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August 14, 2006 08:55 AM EDT --
Senior Personals
FOXY LADY:
Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim, 5'4" (used to be 5'6"), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-
dressing companion. . . .
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